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Why Some People Are Just Plain Exhausting (And What I Wish I'd Known Sooner)
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The bloke next to me on the plane to Adelaide last month spent forty-seven minutes explaining why pineapple on pizza was actually a communist conspiracy. Not kidding. And somewhere between his theories about Big Pineapple and his complaints about millennials destroying the sandwich industry, I had an epiphany: difficult people aren't going anywhere.
After eighteen years running corporate training workshops across Australia, I've met every flavour of challenging personality you can imagine. The micromanager who colour-codes their emails by urgency level. The colleague who treats every meeting like a personal therapy session. That one person who somehow makes ordering coffee feel like a diplomatic crisis.
Here's what nobody tells you in business school: dealing with difficult people isn't about changing them. It's about changing yourself. And that's actually the good news.
The Three Types You'll Meet (Whether You Like It or Not)
The Bulldozer These are the folks who steamroll conversations like they're clearing bushland. They interrupt, dismiss, and generally behave like their opinion is the only one that matters. I used to think these people were just confident. Turns out, many of them are actually terrified of being wrong. The bulldozer at my old firm? Underneath all that bluster, he was genuinely afraid his team would discover he didn't have all the answers.
Once I figured that out, everything changed.
The Passive-Aggressive Professional "Oh, that's... interesting," they'll say about your proposal, with a smile that could freeze the Murray River. These people weaponise politeness. They'll agree to your face then badmouth your ideas at the water cooler. About 68% of workplace conflicts I've mediated involve someone who fits this category perfectly.
The Chronic Complainer Everything is terrible, nothing works, and somehow it's always someone else's fault. They're the human equivalent of a deflated balloon – all the energy gets sucked out of the room the moment they walk in.
The mistake I made for years was trying to fix these people. Spoiler alert: you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed.
What Actually Works (Tested in Real Australian Workplaces)
Stop Taking It Personally This one's harder than it sounds. When Janet from accounting questions every single line item in your budget for the third week running, it feels personal. But here's the thing – Janet's behaviour says more about Janet than it does about you.
I learned this the hard way during a project in Perth about seven years ago. The client's operations manager challenged everything I suggested. Everything. I spent weeks thinking I was doing something wrong, second-guessing my methods, losing sleep.
Turns out, he'd been burned by consultants before. Nothing to do with me, everything to do with his past experiences. Once I stopped making it about me, I could actually help him.
Set Boundaries Like Your Sanity Depends on It Because it does. Managing difficult conversations becomes much easier when you're clear about what you will and won't tolerate.
I once worked with a manager in Melbourne who had a team member that would drop "urgent" requests on his desk at 4:45 PM every Friday. Every. Single. Friday. The manager kept accommodating these requests because he thought it showed good leadership.
Wrong.
What it showed was that he was willing to be walked over. The behaviour continued because there were no consequences. Once he started saying, "I can look at this first thing Monday morning," the Friday afternoon emergencies mysteriously disappeared.
The Power of Strategic Disengagement Sometimes the best response is no response at all. Not every argument needs your participation. Not every criticism requires your defense.
This doesn't mean being rude or unprofessional. It means choosing your battles wisely. The chronic complainer who wants to dissect everything wrong with the new software system? You don't have to join that conversation. A simple "I can see this is frustrating for you" followed by changing the subject works wonders.
The Stuff They Don't Teach You in Management Courses
Here's something controversial: some difficult people are actually right about some things. I know, shocking. But that chronic complainer might be pointing out genuine problems that everyone else is too polite to mention. The micromanager might be catching important details that others miss.
The trick is separating the valid concerns from the difficult delivery method.
I remember working with a team leader in Brisbane who everyone avoided because she was "too negative." But when I actually listened to her concerns, she was identifying real operational problems. The issue wasn't her observations – it was how she presented them. Once we worked on her communication style, she became one of the company's most valuable problem-solvers.
The Mirror Test Sometimes – and this is hard to admit – we contribute to difficult dynamics more than we realise. Are you being defensive? Are you assuming negative intent? Are you bringing your own baggage to the situation?
I had to confront this myself about three years ago. There was a colleague who just rubbed me the wrong way. Everything about him annoyed me – his laugh, his jokes, the way he organised his desk. One day I realised the real problem: he reminded me of my brother, who I'd had a falling out with years earlier.
That wasn't his fault. That was mine to deal with.
When to Walk Away (And How to Do It Professionally)
Here's the uncomfortable truth: not every difficult person can be managed. Some people are genuinely toxic, and protecting yourself sometimes means removing yourself from the situation entirely.
The signs it's time to disengage:
- The behaviour is affecting your mental health
- Nothing you try makes any difference
- The person shows no willingness to change or compromise
- The situation is impacting your work performance
I've seen too many good people burn out trying to fix relationships that were fundamentally broken. There's no shame in strategic retreat.
The Plot Twist Nobody Expects
After nearly two decades of dealing with difficult people professionally, here's what surprised me most: some of my most challenging relationships became my most valuable ones.
That micromanager I mentioned earlier? She taught me attention to detail that transformed how I approach projects. The chronic complainer? His skepticism helped me stress-test ideas before presenting them to clients. Even the passive-aggressive professional showed me the importance of clear, direct communication.
I'm not saying you should be grateful for difficult people – that's toxic positivity nonsense. But sometimes, if you can get past the frustrating delivery method, there are lessons worth learning.
The Bottom Line (Because You've Got Work to Do)
Dealing with difficult people isn't about becoming a workplace therapist or developing superhuman patience. It's about protecting your energy, setting clear boundaries, and remembering that you can only control your own responses.
Some days you'll handle it brilliantly. Other days you'll want to update your LinkedIn profile and start fresh somewhere else. Both reactions are completely normal.
The key is developing a toolkit of strategies that work for you, and knowing when to use them. Because difficult people aren't going anywhere – but your response to them can evolve.
And who knows? You might even learn something along the way. Just don't tell them I said that.
For more workplace insights, check out Advice Resources and explore additional training opportunities.